Saturday

wrapping up my third year

hello unseen audience,

I've taken my last finals and have finished my third year of college! It's a surreal thing to think that I will be finishing up college in a year. It's the beginning of the end of a journey.

In the beginning of my college career, I came to a realization that I am actually a very lazy person. Yes, I like being productive, but I also like to be lazy and do nothing. And so, I struggled a lot in my first year as I discovered that I cannot get the same grades as I did in high school with the same amount of little effort that I had put it. A lot of my friends back at home thought that I was this really amazing student with good working habits and so I felt a lot of shame when I received low markings on my transcript.

Throughout the last few years, I have built up my work ethic and excitement for learning. And I am proud of myself that I have been able to do so. It is partly due to the fact that the people around me just work so hard and it  is quite contagious motivation. Anyways, this year, I started to take a lot of my major required courses. I found that because I was able to study well and not stress out about my classes, I have been able to enjoy the material I was learning and be able to rest when I needed to.

I am excited for this upcoming year and all the new things that will be learnt.


bye bye for now ^  

on jealousy

it starts with an un-ease at the heart.

I never knew that I would be the type to get jealous. I thought that I would be one of those girls that would be so trusting of her boyfriend that jealousy wasn't even a thing... but there's something about Linus hanging out with another girl one-on-one that makes me feel so un-easy and anxious. I'm not worried that he will cheat on me or have feelings for anyone else, but I think I have an illogical fear that I'll lose my place as the most important person in his life. I have this selfish want to be the most-important-person in my friend's life. It's something I wish I wouldn't have, but it's just there. I probably only hold this position in my boyfriend's heart (which is great and I should be satisfied with that). And so, perhaps I feel a need to guard this position from other people? I'm not exactly too sure. My heart is often filled with emotions that I cannot understand.

bye bye until next time ^

I'm sorry if the end was unsatisfying ..