my name

Hello unseen audience,

Growing up, I had very neutral feelings about my name. I didn't abhor my name and I at the same time, I didn't have a particular joy of my name. I guess it was kind of cool being the only one I knew to have this name, but at the same time, I was kind of jealous when other people would have the same name as each other and bond over it.

My Korean name / middle name was given to me by my grandmother on my father's side, whom I have little to no recollection of. My name "은주" or "恩 主" means the favor / grace of the master, or God's grace. My english name derives from the name meaning and comes from the root name John.

I have been reflecting and I realized that I am a very poor reflection of my name. In other words, I have very little capacity for grace on people. When someone wrongs me or I feel like someone wasn't fully considerate of my feelings, my heart turns cold towards that person. I also find it incredibly difficult to let go of the wrongs that a person has done against me. Perhaps it is because I hold myself to such a high standard of friendship and that transfers to having such a high standard of those that call themselves my friend. In many ways, I need to grow into my own name and become a person that has more of the Lord's grace for others.

This isn't a super exciting blog post, but felt the need to share that with you all.

bye-bye until next time ^