playlist_2017

Hello!! Here's a playlist I made of songs I discovered or rediscovered this year! I started this last year and I think I'm going to try to make it a yearly thing :) You can find last year's playlist here. You can find the playlist on spotify if you'd like to listen!

01. Distance (Emily King) 

I heard this at a conference two years back but didn't discover the name / artist until this year when Jenny showed it to me and I sort of listened to it non stop ^^;; Emily King has this sultry style and her voice is just so elegant <3 

02. Say a Little Prayer (Aretha Franklin) - Cover by Lianne La Havas 

Lianne La Havas does such a good job on this song with her powerful and beautiful voice. This song means a lot to me because it reminds me of Linus and the relationship we had. 

03. Better Together (Jack Johnson) - Cover by Us the Duo 

I love the original, but there's something about the duet that makes it even more wonderful. 

04. Helplessly (Tatiana Manaois) 

This song describes me because I'm one to fall in love and lose control of my feelings. This line in particular sticks out to me: "See you distract me, but I'm distracted without you." 

05. Paint (The Paper Kites) 

I like the folksy and rhythmic feel of this song, but I feel like it will be one that people will easily skip since it's pretty repetitive :\

06. Without You (Oh Wonder) 

There's something about this song that intrigues me, although I can't pinpoint what it is. I feel very comfortable when I listen to this song and it's one that I could listen on repeat forever. 

07. Sorry feat. Beenzino (Zion T.) 

Zion T has a way with his beats and lyrics. 

08. Backbeat - Acoustic (Dangy) 

This song is one that I discovered later in the year, but have been listening to it non-stop since. It feels very real and honest, but hopeful. It kind of reminds me of the movie "LadyBird," although I'm not quite sure why. 

09. Lifetimes (Oh Wonder) 

Amber showed me this song! I love the beat of it. I actually discovered this song in the same car ride when I discovered Distance ~ 

10. Can't Sleep Love (Pentatonix)  

I actually didn't know that they wrote this song until I looked up information for it. It's just a super catchy song ^^ 

11. One Foot (WALK THE MOON) 

Walk the Moon always reminds me of the music that I used to listen to in middle school (yay Switchfoot on CDs way back when). I kind of looked up Walk The Moon to see if they could contribute anything to the playlist and ended up really liking this song. 

12. Find Yourself (Great Good Fine OK & Before You Exit) 

Literally picked this up for the sake of filing up the playlist. But I've been more into chill EDM / Tropical House this year per recommendation by Peter. There's no crazy beat drop, but it's still super head bobbing / chill. 

13. I Miss You - feat. Julia Michaels (Clean Bandit) 

aka my feelings post-break-up. 

14. Green & Gold Darius Remix (Lianne La Havas) 

I thought the original was golden, but I like this remix even more somehow. 

15. 사랑이 잘 Can't Love You Anymore - with 오혁 (IU) 

IU has been killing it with her music recently so I thought I'd put one of her songs on this playlist.  

16. Running Out - Acoustic (Astrid S) 

Kind of repetitive, but the simplicity / rawness and the lyrics are so good. Also, her voice is beautiful. 

17. Iris (The Goo Goo Dolls) - Cover by Kina Grannis 

Love the lyrics of the song and Kina delivers it so so well.  

18. 6/10 (dodie) 

aka my anxiety. 

19. Waving Through a Window (Ben Platt & Original Broadway Cast of Dear Evan Hansen) 

I really love musicals and this song has been speaking to me for the whole year, so felt like it would be rude not to include it. I was going to put in Hamilton, but didn't fit in the vibe of the CD :,( 

20. I Have a Hole in My Tooth (And My Dentist Is Shut) (dodie)

hahahaha just take a listen 

bye bye for now ^ 

introduction: maureen

I apologize that there's been a lot of posts on people, but I cannot give up the opportunity to brag about Maureen. I am super grateful for this one. I met Maureen in my freshman year of college and our friendship has grown over the years. She is someone that I can be vulnerable with and no matter what I confess to her, she will still love me with all of her heart. I admire how she's boldly stepped onto leadership with Intervarsity in her senior year and has been giving it her all. Maureen is someone who sees the people who are unseen and recognizes where God is at work when I can't. She is such a beautiful human being and I am blessed to call her my friend and sister in Christ.

bye bye for now ^

introduction: minha

Minha! ~ One of my most treasured friendships from my high school days. 

When I met Minha, I was a kind of intimidated by her. She was a year older than me, wasn't afraid to be loud, and sometimes had very strong reactions to situations. We were in band together, so for the next couple of years, we talked here and there when the situation arose. Before my junior year, I went to her church retreat and I made a surprising connection with her in some random conversation. After that, our friendship grew stronger as we shared our faith together, especially our struggles in ministry. I remember for a large portion of my junior year, we would write each other encouragement notes to get through the day. As she and I moved off to college, we kept in touch, and met here and there. We grew in sharing more vulnerably with each other about friendships, anxieties, and many other things. Minha is someone who I just have such joy to spend time with because we talk about God together and have so much fun together. I can't even explain. We would talk about the most random things and end up laughing and giggling. After meeting with her, I feel encouraged, supported, seen, loved, and refreshed. I just really appreciate her presence in my life <3 

Anyways, bye bye until next time ^ 

my name

Hello unseen audience,

Growing up, I had very neutral feelings about my name. I didn't abhor my name and I at the same time, I didn't have a particular joy of my name. I guess it was kind of cool being the only one I knew to have this name, but at the same time, I was kind of jealous when other people would have the same name as each other and bond over it.

My Korean name / middle name was given to me by my grandmother on my father's side, whom I have little to no recollection of. My name "은주" or "恩 主" means the favor / grace of the master, or God's grace. My english name derives from the name meaning and comes from the root name John.

I have been reflecting and I realized that I am a very poor reflection of my name. In other words, I have very little capacity for grace on people. When someone wrongs me or I feel like someone wasn't fully considerate of my feelings, my heart turns cold towards that person. I also find it incredibly difficult to let go of the wrongs that a person has done against me. Perhaps it is because I hold myself to such a high standard of friendship and that transfers to having such a high standard of those that call themselves my friend. In many ways, I need to grow into my own name and become a person that has more of the Lord's grace for others.

This isn't a super exciting blog post, but felt the need to share that with you all.

bye-bye until next time ^

internship with the port

Hello unseen audience!

So for the last 10 weeks, I had an internship with the Port of Los Angeles, and I've got to say that I really enjoyed it. I think my favorite aspect of the internship were the people that I worked with. My supervisor, Sue, was such a sweet person and gave me so much encouragement throughout my time there. She also gave me a cup of coffee on those difficult mornings, which was so appreciated as well. My co-worker whom I worked with a lot, Mimi (pictured below), always gave me her attention when I needed help of any kind. She would always pause with what she was doing and give me her undivided attention. My whole section was honestly so kind to me and I probably could not go through each one because it wouldn't be very interesting for you all.

One thing that I liked about this internship over my previous one was the fact that there were a lot of student interns. I worked in this shared cubicle with 2-3 other interns (pictured below), which was a lot of fun. We would go out to eat on the patio or have conversations during our breaks. We talked about how Enrique made the most bomb burritos to comparing our different systems of education for civil engineering.

I'll share with you all one of my favorite stories from my time at the Port. So one of my co-workers and I were taking out one of the government cars for a site visit. As we were parking, we heard a cell phone ringing. It wasn't either of ours, so we looked around the car and found a phone on the bottom of the car. We figured that someone who was using the car before us had left the phone there by accident. We went to security to find out who used the car last, and we saw that the person was from the Engineering department and his name "Franklin." I look over to my co-worker, who is very confused because he didn't know of a Franklin in the engineering department, and he had been working there for some time now. So we go upstairs and find another student intern to try and figure it out. I, obviously, don't know everyone, so I look through the seating chart that we had. As I look, I don't find any "Franklin" on the sheet. Then, I recheck the list and see the name "Frank Lin" and have a sudden realization. I turn to my two co-workers and say, "Hey guys, I think I know who's phone it is... Frank.. Lin's." And we all burst out laughing and feeling a bit dumb at the same time. We returned the phone to him and it was all good. I'm smiling thinking about it now.

Okies friends,

bye bye until next time ^

introduction: allison

Hellooo.  

Allison is someone very dear to my heart. I met her in my very first week week of college. She invited me to be a part of her small group and a couple months later, asked if I would like to be mentored by her. Throughout my first year, I suffered with a lot of anxiety from loneliness and low academic success. It was something I never really faced head on before, but it was becoming such a problem that I couldn't ignore it. Allison helped me to always look towards Christ and reminded me that I was deeply beloved by God. She modeled for me how to serve others with love, and how to have joy, even in difficult circumstances.

Even though it has been a couple years since she graduated, we have been able to meet every so-often to catch up, encourage one another, admire over wedding invitation designs, and enjoy each other's company. I treasure those times together and I look forward to our many years of friendship and sisterhood <3

bye bye until next time ^ 

attachment to letters

Hello unseen audience,

Today, I threw away most of the birthday letters and affirmations that I have ever received. It was very painful.

So I moved houses 2 ish months ago and every time we move, I try to clean up some of my old things. Today I just got around clearing my "sentimental" section of my belongings. As I was going through old birthday cards and notes that people have written to me, I started to feel good about myself, having received all these sorts of lovely notes. And so, I found myself unable to get rid of a lot of notes, even though some of them were from people that I haven't talked to in years. While sitting on my bedroom floor surrounded by all these letters, I came to the realization that I was far too attached to these letters. Almost as if they proved that I was person with meaning and importance. Almost as if these letters was the only way to know that there were people in this world that cared about me. And so, I faced my fears and threw away each letter, one by one. Starting from my 11th birthday card all the way to graduation cards from neighbors and teachers.

It feels refreshing to have let go of something that I was holding on to for so long and so tightly. I think I was finding some of my fulfillment in these letters; a "proof" that I was a good person, a good friend. But that's not where meaning in my life comes from and so I needed to surrender that to the Lord. I think in general, I need to give up my obsession with having security in friends and how people view me... But one step at a time, right?.. But hopefully, one day, I can be absolutely confident in God alone that I don't even look in other places for my worth and importance.

I decided to keep most of the cards that I received in the past few years (college) because I didn't have the courage to throw away all of the birthday cards.. and also because my friends put a lot of effort into composing a birthday card for me and I felt a bit guilty throwing it away. 

bye bye for now ^

p.s. At the time of receiving many of these letters, I felt very encouraged and loved by the people around me. I very much am grateful and appreciative of all the words that people have showered on me. so thank you. However, I think my sinful heart clung onto them too tightly for too long and so I needed to give that up to the Lord.

letter from past sheena

This is a letter that I wrote to myself from Can-This-Wait (March 2015). And somehow it hits me every time. So before I accidentally lose it, here's a copy of the letter.
-------------------------

Sheena Please - read your bible and take time to pray. Don't forget the ways that God has revealed himself to you over these last couple of days. Through Rochelle / Viola and others and how He has been working in their lives. Through the ways other people have served you and ministered to you. Through the support of fellow brothers and sisters (Isabelle, Camly, Sandra). God is good and He is ever loving of you and all the people around you. Love those who God loves and serve those around you. Take strength from God for He is the perfect source of strength. Continue to grow else you will backslide. Right now all might feel fuzzy with uncertain grades and not sure about leadership and overwhelmed with school / Intervarsity in general. Time will pass and God will guide you through.

"Let no one despise you for your youth but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity" - 1 Timothy 4:12

- Sheena

-------------------------

bye bye for now ^

introduction: the four friends I didn't expect

Hello unseen audience,

I took my camera for the first time in a long time today. It's kind of been a struggle. But anyways,

I hung out with a group of friends from school today that was kind of randomly formed because I wanted to visit friends that lived in the SGV area. I was thinking about my friendships with each of these people and I realized, that when I was first getting to know these people, I never would have expected to become close friends with them.


When I met Isabelle, she had hair that was dyed pink and I was thinking, "oh boy, this girl is on the crazy side." But I have known her to be a person that has a sincere heart that deeply cares for me. I have actually already wrote about her here. She's the very energetic and eager person in our group that I appreciate.

My friend impression that I had of Derrick was a closed off and reserved person that mainly stayed to himself. While this impression generally proves to be true, I have found Derrick to be someone that listens to me with deep care and sometimes opens up and shares of his own life. He has deep insight which I have respect for, although it takes a while to get there sometimes (lol).

When I met Nathan, I thought we didn't really click as people and got weirded out because he was so nice to me. I also was a freshman in high school who was a brat. But that's another story for another time. He's literally one of my closest friends that has helped me so much throughout my college years. I also wrote about Nathan in a post here.

 I met Diana at the same time as meeting a lot of other folks. It just seemed as though we would never really be friends because we were never quite area of ministry / friend group. I also thought we didn't have a lot in common at all. But after a trip to Korea together and being on the same leader's team, I have been surprised at the ways I was able to resonate with her feelings and thoughts and also gain perspective from her.

I am grateful for these friends that have been such a huge support in my life. My encouragement is to be open to the people around you because you never know what wonderful friends they might become. 

bye bye for now ^ 

200 feet high

Hello!

Today I went on a tour for my internship where we went out to the port and went on top of the cranes that move cargo from the ship to a truck. It is crazy be on the crane and tangibly see how large and intricate of an equipment it takes to unload the goods. It was pretty exciting for a civil engineer geek like myself, and it makes me marvel at the work that I can possibly be doing in the future.

bye bye for now ^

wrapping up my third year

hello unseen audience,

I've taken my last finals and have finished my third year of college! It's a surreal thing to think that I will be finishing up college in a year. It's the beginning of the end of a journey.

In the beginning of my college career, I came to a realization that I am actually a very lazy person. Yes, I like being productive, but I also like to be lazy and do nothing. And so, I struggled a lot in my first year as I discovered that I cannot get the same grades as I did in high school with the same amount of little effort that I had put it. A lot of my friends back at home thought that I was this really amazing student with good working habits and so I felt a lot of shame when I received low markings on my transcript.

Throughout the last few years, I have built up my work ethic and excitement for learning. And I am proud of myself that I have been able to do so. It is partly due to the fact that the people around me just work so hard and it  is quite contagious motivation. Anyways, this year, I started to take a lot of my major required courses. I found that because I was able to study well and not stress out about my classes, I have been able to enjoy the material I was learning and be able to rest when I needed to.

I am excited for this upcoming year and all the new things that will be learnt.

bye bye for now ^  

on jealousy

it starts with an un-ease at the heart.

I never knew that I would be the type to get jealous. I thought that I would be one of those girls that would be so trusting of her boyfriend that jealousy wasn't even a thing... but there's something about Linus hanging out with another girl one-on-one that makes me feel so un-easy and anxious. I'm not worried that he will cheat on me or have feelings for anyone else, but I think I have an illogical fear that I'll lose my place as the most important person in his life. I have this selfish want to be the most-important-person in my friend's life. It's something I wish I wouldn't have, but it's just there. I probably only hold this position in my boyfriend's heart (which is great and I should be satisfied with that). And so, perhaps I feel a need to guard this position from other people? I'm not exactly too sure. My heart is often filled with emotions that I cannot understand.

bye bye until next time ^

I'm sorry if the end was unsatisfying ..

a presidential poem

Tonight was the end-of-the year banquet and it is one of my last responsibilities as the UCLA ITE student chapter president. It was a little bittersweet for me to spend time with my officers one last time. I'll definitely miss my board and this year serving as president. Here's a little poem that I wrote for them :)

I remember this time around last year 

I had many many many fears 

DIdn't know if I could plan, organize, or lead 

But alas, I took charge because of a need 

But over this year without a doubt 

I never felt alone, day in and day out 

Now I'll share a few examples 

of how this year's board helped me through the battles

Boss Janet answered all of my questions, 

and Susan gave me lots of suggestions, 

I never had to worry about Elaine 

and her emails and gifts were the opposite of plain 

Chip always reassured me that it would be okay 

and Michael heard me rant, probably every single day. 

Allison always tried to bring the hype 

while Dario was more of the chill type 

Winston was always there, but only in spirit 

And Zach simply has a smile nicer than the Mona Lisa Exhibit. 

Walter had a patience with me that I simply can't understand 

And Sam was always willing to lend us a helping hand

So thank you for your patience and thank you for your grace 

Thank you for your jokes and smiles brought to my face

Thank you for your understanding and ears to listen 

Who knew that this board would make my heart glisten 

We had our good times, we had our bad. 

through all of it, I'm still really glad 

That I had the honor of serving as your ITE president 

I truly believe that it was time well spent.

I couldn't have made it through this year with you all 

and now I'm passing it on to someone who is  quite tall 

I'll stop now because my rhymes are running thin

but thank you once again. Sincerely, Sheena Kim

bye bye for now ^ 

small testimony about mentorship

So I don't usually write on my faith, but I feel that it's a big part of my life that I'm going to put in my blog more. Any who, here's a testimony that I was supposed to give tonight, but wasn't able to give it for a variety of reasons. So I'll just post it here and whoever reads it will read it. I hope it's encouraging to you.

Hello ~ I want to give glory to God by sharing with you about how He has blessed me through mentors in my life. In my first and second year of, I have been very blessed by “structured relationships.” This is a friendship that involve meeting on a sort of regular basis with intentionality behind them. For example, mentors/disciplers, accountability partners and the like. These friendships have definitely been helpful in my growth. However, in this past year, I think God has really re shaped my view on mentorship and so that is what I would like to share today.

freshman junior dinner

Hello unseen audience,

This past Saturday, the junior class of my Christian fellowship hosted a dinner for the freshman class. This is a tradition that usually happens every year. However, this year, there wasn't a lot of juniors who lived in the dorms and so a lot of juniors didn't know any of the freshman. And so, although I really wanted for this to happen, I wasn't sure that people would be motivated since they would be preparing for a group of people that they don't really know. But so many of the people in the junior class stepped up and were willing to put time and energy into this event and making it work. I had a lot of fun working with everyone and see the event come into completion.

Reflecting on this past month or so of planning, I realized that this event wouldn't have happened unless I stepped up and was determined to plan it. It goes to show that each person really has a large capability to make change if they put their heart to it. I mean, I didn't really do that much, but I'm grateful that my past self was motivated to put on this event and we could have enjoyed fellowship with one another. So yay April-2017-Sheena

^ the freshies are so cute <3

post #104

^ current mood 

Hello unseen audience! I just noticed that I have published 103 posts on this blog! (Making this one #104). That's amazing to me that I have somehow been able to keep this blog for a little over 3 years throughout the end of my high school to my college years. Yes, I was very inconsistent throughout the majority of it.. and Yes, the 4,650 page views are probably 90% just counting myself checking the website.. and Yes, I haven't changed the website layout for years now.. But I am proud that I haven't abandoned this project and I am grateful for the platform to share to my unseen audience. Thank you all for joining me thus far and I hope you continue to stay.

bye bye until next time ^

the excitement of the stage

This month, I was able to watch three live performances. I absolutely love performances - watching the talent and passion of individuals make something so beautiful. But what made these performances even more special was watching my brother and my friends on the stage and expressing themselves. All of them had a glow of excitement as they put forth months of their effort. It makes me happy that they are doing something that they love to do, without regret.

me with my brother after the performance of "Zombie Prom" at West Torrance High School 

Haley with Jenny and I after the performance of "Anything Goes" produced by Hooligans. 

Eli and all our flatmates after the performance of Korean Culture Night

^ bye bye until next time

introduction: shannon

Hellooooooo

This is Shannon. She has been my mentor this past year. I was pretty excited about this mentorship coming into the school year because it's always fun to hang out with her and I was really comfortable with her. But during the first quarter, something just felt a little off. Our meetings felt really structured and I didn't really have much to say a lot of the times. Towards the end, there was cumulative hurt on both sides. Fortunately, we were able to talk about it and really able to communicate clearly what was going on in our side. I remember distinctly that we were sitting in b plate for lunch and we both had tears in our eyes and the atmosphere feeling super tense. And fast forward to ten minutes later, somehow being able to laugh and enjoy each other's company.

I super appreciate that she didn't give up on me and gave our friendship 110% even though it was difficult at times. I think I've learned from her how to truly appreciate each moment that life brings and also how to process the hard things in life with Jesus and community. I'm not sure how much she'll be in my life after she graduates because of that #internstaff life but I'm just glad that she was part of this portion of my life.

This description sounds super deep, but we have such a derpy friendship. LOL oh wells. The pictures are pretty accurate so you can just look at those.


I'm full.

k byee ^ hi Shannon

carlsbad adventure

Hello my unseen audience, it's been a while I know.

Last week, I went to Carlsbad with a couple friends to go to the flower fields and Legoland! It was a lot of fun :3 I took some pictures and I wanted to share it here since Facebook posting isn't really my thing.

The flower fields are in full bloom and it was such a lovely sight. It reminded me of:
"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith?" (Matthew 6:28-31).

introduction: my apartment

We're already looking ahead to next year and I can't believe it's already been 4 (ish) months of living together. So I just wanted to write this post so I can look back at this time and remember the fun we had together. 

Sheena // That's me!

Jenny // The twin.
Jenny is my best friend! It has been honestly a blessing to live with her. I really appreciate how we can talk about things in those small periods of time when we're not studying or sleeping. I've picked up on a lot of her mannerism, like "I'm so special" and saying "BYEEEEE". If you want to know more about Jenny you can read the blog post I wrote about our friendship here (although it's probably a little outdated).

Amber // The one that's secretly the most weird out of all of us.
Amber has this incredibly interesting personality that makes it just so entertaining to live with her. She sits in the corner of the room so absorbed in whatever she's doing, whether that be her Rubik's cube or watching Jenna Marbles on youtube. She is the queen of sarcasm but secretly has a heart of gold. I remember a couple years back, I was considering living with Amber my freshman year but a family friend said it might be a bad idea since we know each other. But I think it has been great!

Krystal // The one with no sleeping schedule
Krystal is also the one with enough convincing power to persuade Jenny and I to drive out to Santa Monica to buy bralettes at 9 at night. I really appreciate that she can't stand a messy kitchen and we have great dreams that one day it will be spotless. I have enjoyed our late night talks and just growing my friendship with her. She pushes me to be more confident (esp about my body lolz) and I will definitely miss having her around next year )):

Eli // The one with the nice eyebrows
Eli is such a cutie hehe. She is so kind and warm and her smile can literally make your day better. If I had a younger sister, I would want to have one like her. She works really hard on her studies it motivates me to do well. I remember last quarter, there was a week where we both did really bad (like really bad) on a midterm and we both vowed to do better. We both ended up passing the class (Praise the Lord!) LOL. college has changed my standards..

Linus // our 5th roommate

My boyfriend who walks in even when I'm not there ... 

Patrick // our 6th roommate

Eli's boyfriend who silently comes in and silently leaves. 

Daniel // our 7th roommate

Krystal's boyfriend who never stays too long. 

okie maybe I'll update later but I have to sleep now. BYEEEEEE

bye bye until next time ^ 

music mondays

Hello unseen audience,

Mu·sic Mon·days : The sharing of one song on the first day of the week. A mini show and tell of sorts.

How music Monday works: I share a song with you and you share a song with me. Usually via email because I'm old school like that. Music Mondays was something that I started in high school with my friend Dan who wanted to show me Muse songs (we called it muse-ic mondays haha). I started exchanging songs with other friends and it started to be a weekly tradition. It's not something that takes up too much time and yet it's one of those small things that gives me joy.

This week's song // H.S.K.T (Sylvan Esso)

bye bye until next time ^